Attempting....again.

I will be 30 this year, and with the weight on my body I feel much older than that. I think I should be healed by now from my car accident in October, but my weight bearing down on my spine still causes intense pain.  I stand in the mirror and am so disgusted.  Honestly I don't know what it takes for my husband to have relations with me.  Even if he pictures someone else, the fat can still be felt.  It is hard for me to wrap my head around the practicality that if I hate this so much why do I continue with my lifestyle of alcohol, fatty foods, and slothfulness?

Maybe the problem is that I keep using the verbs "trying" and "attempting" instead of doing.
I have signed up for Weight Watchers.  The obstacles I see that I will have to overcome are being lazy with tracking, walking in downtown Salt Lake, boredom eating and not flopping on the couch when I get home.

Weight Watchers has given me an initial weight loss goal of 13.7 pounds.  It says that if I stick to everything I can lose up to 2 lbs a week.  The weight loss goal should be achieved in 6 weeks.  I just can't beat myself up over it if I don't see the two pounds every week.

Which reminds me of another obstacle.  My impatience.  I want a fast fix.  HCG was a fast fix, and after three years I've gained it all back and more.  I have had success with Weight Watchers before, but get impatient and give up.  It doesn't make sense because I want weight loss, but apparently not if it takes too long.

I have told my family of what I am doing to have some accountability.  I also have a concert coming up, the last one before I bid farewell to my 20s and I want to be able to not be self conscious and jump around to the music.  So....here I am.  At the beginning again.

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