Attempting....again.

I will be 30 this year, and with the weight on my body I feel much older than that. I think I should be healed by now from my car accident in October, but my weight bearing down on my spine still causes intense pain.  I stand in the mirror and am so disgusted.  Honestly I don't know what it takes for my husband to have relations with me.  Even if he pictures someone else, the fat can still be felt.  It is hard for me to wrap my head around the practicality that if I hate this so much why do I continue with my lifestyle of alcohol, fatty foods, and slothfulness?

Maybe the problem is that I keep using the verbs "trying" and "attempting" instead of doing.
I have signed up for Weight Watchers.  The obstacles I see that I will have to overcome are being lazy with tracking, walking in downtown Salt Lake, boredom eating and not flopping on the couch when I get home.

Weight Watchers has given me an initial weight loss goal of 13.7 pounds.  It says that if I stick to everything I can lose up to 2 lbs a week.  The weight loss goal should be achieved in 6 weeks.  I just can't beat myself up over it if I don't see the two pounds every week.

Which reminds me of another obstacle.  My impatience.  I want a fast fix.  HCG was a fast fix, and after three years I've gained it all back and more.  I have had success with Weight Watchers before, but get impatient and give up.  It doesn't make sense because I want weight loss, but apparently not if it takes too long.

I have told my family of what I am doing to have some accountability.  I also have a concert coming up, the last one before I bid farewell to my 20s and I want to be able to not be self conscious and jump around to the music.  So....here I am.  At the beginning again.

267

Seriously...

I have gained 13 pounds since stopping HcG.  It's not really a lifestyle change if I continue to eat Del Taco on occasion or have cheese on everything...

It was nice to have such a quick weight loss with the hormone, but now it's back, and I am struggling with what my next step will be. 

At times I think I should just let it be, but honestly, I hate myself.  I can't stand to look in the mirror.  I don't want my husband touching me.  I hate getting dressed in the morning.  While my clothes still appear to fit the same, I still hate everything I wear.

I think I have come to the conclusion that quick weight loss isn't the answer.  Slow and steady is the way to go.  Its easy to sit here and type that out, but to actually do it...

I realize I have to give up my morning Starbucks visit, that's 160 calories in one latte.  I need to start cooking dinner, and not just stopping by Del Taco on my way home because it's easy.  I can live without cheese.

So here's the hard numbers once again:
Current weight: 241
Caloric Intake Goal: 1400
Exercise Goal: Couch to 5K four times a week

Here I go again...

The Battle Continues

Now that life has gotten a little more hectic, the 500 calories a day for the HcG plan is proving not enough.    I am starting Weight Watchers today. 

I maintained my weight (for the most part) after I was through with the first course of HcG, but now it's time to start losing again.

Pictures

I've decided to put pictures up.  The one one the left is when I very first started everything, and the one on the right is me today.

End of Round One

When I started in March I weighed 260.  I am now at 226.  Closer to 200 than 300!  I am starting to love my body.  It's far from the one I want, but now I can see the potential underneath the imperfections of fat. 

My chubby buddy has lost 22 pounds so far too.  It really helps to have someone who is on the same page as you. 

I have started my six week maintenance period.  On December 26th I will begin my second round of HcG.  I am getting closer to my goal. 

Below 230 and Hitting the 20-Pound Loss

I am under 230, 227 to be exact. 

Part of me had become resigned to the fact that I will always be obese. Now, however; as the pounds are coming off I am feeling better about myself.  It gives me the motivation to keep going.  While I have only lost twenty pounds in thirty days, I am encouraged with my progress.

No Cheating

So here's what happened this weekend.  I cheated.  I agreed to volunteer for the troopers to be a drinker for their FST training. 

When one cheats it takes three days to recover.  Thus the spike on Sunday.  It's a hard lesson to learn, and it won't happen again.  I am hoping from now on to average a pound a day.  I have 26 days left.